Hmph!

So the incessant peeing only lasted for that one day, back to my normal 3x/day.  Haven't had any cramps since, although the day after and even a little yesterday a faint something.  I can't really describe this something; it's just a feeling, almost like a light flutter more than a cramp but not even.  I don't know...hard to explain.  I haven't been checking my cervix since the other day when I realized it changes throughout the day.  I'm NOT going to throw that in the mix of "symptoms"!!  The only thing left to do is wait.

Although...

My friend and co-worker, R, has recently had a crazy-accurate experience at a local psychic and I'm totally on board to go see her this coming week.  I want to do it before AF is due, in case she gives me news that I don't want to wait for, but also because if she gives me news that I don't want to hear, at least I'll know and I can stop worrying about it.  It may be hard to hear what she ends up telling me only because you expect the worst but still hope for the best, but I really just need to know our path.  What should we do?  Is this going to work for us or should we move on?  Are we going to get the opportunity to have biological children or should we start the adoption process?  I have a sneaking suspicion, however, that even if she told me we will be adopting we wouldn't be able to skip right to it without trying the other options...just in case she's wrong.  Funny how we're so willing to believe it when someone tells us what we want to hear but when they give us bad news we can't accept it.

I do still have flashes of that little girl I saw in my vision over a year ago and wonder if she really is who we're meant to have; if all this we're doing is a waste.  But I think we need to go through this journey to be able to really focus on what it is we want as a couple and what we need as human beings.  It seems like everyone who doesn't deserve it gets it so easily but there is a plan and who am I to argue with it?

This has by far been THE longest TWW in my babymaking history!!  I know I've said it before but this one's really killing me.  This past week has been the longest week of my life; I only did the IUI last Friday but it feels like longer than that.  I still have 5 or 6 days until I'll know, if AF shows up on time, which I obviously hope she doesn't show at all!  AHHHH!!  It truly is impossible NOT to think about it.  Pyschic, here I come!